Saturday, November 12, 2005

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4) Take that date out.

5) For any other reason.

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Thank you and have a nice day.

00

A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"

"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."

"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

A millionaire throws a massive party for his fiftieth birthday. During the party, he's a bit bored and decides to stir things up a bit. He grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. He offers anything he owns to anyone who will swim across that pool.

The party continues for some time with no one accepting his offer, until suddenly there's a loud splash. All the party guests run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool a man is frantically swimming as hard as he can. Fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and the guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining, but the guy manages to reach the end and he leaps out of the pool, soaked.

The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give--for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So, what will it be?" the millionaire asks.
The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the person that pushed me in!"

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or call (866) 529-2974

Thank you and have a nice day.

Now a joke for your pleasure:

PC Three Little Pigs

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together in mutual respect and in harmony with their environment. Using materials that were indigenous to the area they each built a beautiful house. One pig built a house of straw, one a house of sticks, and one a house of dung, clay and creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small kiln. When they were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their work and settled back to live in peace and self-determination.
But their idyll was soon shattered. One day, along came a big, bad wolf with expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry in both a physical and ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the house of straw.

The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs defending their homes and culture."

But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blew down thehouse of straw. The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit. Where the house had stood, other wolves bought up the land and started a banana plantation.

At the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, "Little, pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Go to hell, you carnivorous, imperialistic oppressor!"

At this the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels. Where the house of sticks had stood, other wolves built a time-share condo resort complex for vacationing wolves, with each unit a fibreglass reconstruction of the house of sticks, as well as native curio shops, snorkelling and dolphin shows.

At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, 'Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!' This time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote letters of protest to the United Nations. By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the situation from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and puffed, and huffed and puffed, then grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods.

The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little dance around the corpse of the wolf. Their next step was to liberate their homeland. They gathered together a band of other pigs who had been forced off their lands. This new brigade of porcinistas attacked the resort complex with machine-guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle in their internal affairs.

Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy with free education, universal health care and affordable housing for everyone. {My note: Well it is a fairy tale after all.}

Please note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical construct. No actual wolves were harmed in the writing of the story.

Free xbox 360

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Enjoy a New Microsoft XBox 360 for free.

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Plays DVDs and MP3s
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Thank you and have a nice day.

video game
n.
An electronic or computerized game played by manipulating images on a video display or television screen.

------608194782438718043
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset="us-ascii"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Enjoy a New Microsoft XBox 360 for free.

When you complete sponsor offers Features:
20 GB hard drive
Enhanced graphics
Plays DVDs and MP3s
more details

List Price: 399.99
Yours: FREE

http://www.caninothat.com/gamerz/

This newsletter is a commercial message sent in accordance with US legal guidlines. If you would like to not receive newsletters from Double-O-Traffic located at:

1643 Warwick Avenue, #302 / Warwick / RI / 02889

Please use this link to make that request:

http://www.onlythreemore.com/lelt/ or call (866) 529-2974

Thank you and have a nice day.

video game
n.
An electronic or computerized game played by manipulating images on a video display or television screen.

------608194782438718043---

Two hundred dollar Starbucks Gift Card for sampling products.

------23922610590232608---
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset="us-ascii"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

Enjoy Starbucks coffee for free. This gift card is redeemable at any store for any purchase. It's yours free just for participating in sample offers.

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Please use this link to make that request:

http://www.sleepytent.com/lelt/ or call (866) 529-2974

Thank you and have a nice day.

A brief history of coffee for the interested party:

Coffee was first discovered in Eastern Africa in an area we know today as Ethiopia. A popular legend refers to a goat herder by the name of Kaldi, who observed his goats acting unusually frisky after eating berries from a bush. Curious about this phenomena, Kaldi tried eating the berries himself. He found that these berries gave him a renewed energy. The news of this energy laden fruit quickly spread throughout the region.

Monks hearing about this amazing fruit, dried the berries so that they could be transported to distant monasteries.They reconstituted these berries in water, ate the fruit, and drank the liquid to provide stimulation for a more awakened time for prayer.

Coffee berries were transported from Ethiopia to the Arabian peninsula, and were first cultivated in what today is the country of Yemen.

From there, coffee traveled to Turkey where coffee beans were roasted for the first time over open fires. The roasted beans were crushed, and then boiled in water, creating a crude version of the beverage we enjoy today.

Coffee first arrived on the European continent by means of Venetian trade merchants. Once in Europe this new beverage fell under harsh criticism from the Catholic church. Many felt the pope should ban coffee, calling it the drink of the devil. To their surprise, the pope, already a coffee drinker, blessed coffee declaring it a truly Christian beverage.

Coffee houses spread quickly across Europe becoming centers for intellectual exchange. Many great minds of Europe used this beverage, and forum, as a springboard to heightened thought and creativity.

In the 1700's, coffee found its way to the Americas by means of a French infantry captain who nurtured one small plant on its long journey across the Atlantic. This one plant, transplanted to the Caribbean Island of Martinique, became the predecessor of over 19 million trees on the island within 50 years. It was from this humble beginning that the coffee plant found its way to the rest of the tropical regions of South and Central America.

Coffee was declared the national drink of the then colonized United States by the Continental Congress, in protest of the excessive tax on tea levied by the British crown.

Espresso, a recent innovation in the way to prepare coffee, obtained its origin in 1822, with the innovation of the first crude espresso machine in France. The Italians perfected this wonderful machine and were the first to manufacture it. Espresso has become such an integral part of Italian life and culture, that there are presently over 200,000 espresso bars in Italy.

Today, coffee is a giant global industry employing more than 20 million people. This commodity ranks second only to petroleum in terms of dollars traded worldwide. With over 400 billion cups consumed every year, coffee is the world's most popular beverage. If you can imagine, in Brazil alone, over 5 million people are employed in the cultivation and harvesting of over 3 billion coffee plants.

Sales of premium specialty coffees in the United States have reached the multi billion dollar level, and are increasing significantly on an annual basis.

------23922610590232608
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset="us-ascii"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Enjoy Starbucks coffee for free. This gift card is redeemable at any store for any purchase. It's yours free just for participating in sample offers.

http://www.royaldowntwo.com/coffee/

This newsletter is a commercial message sent in accordance with US legal guidlines. If you would like to not receive newsletters from Double-O-Traffic located at:

1643 Warwick Avenue, #302 / Warwick / RI / 02889

Please use this link to make that request:

http://www.sleepytent.com/lelt/ or call (866) 529-2974

Thank you and have a nice day.

A brief history of coffee for the interested party:

Coffee was first discovered in Eastern Africa in an area we know today as Ethiopia. A popular legend refers to a goat herder by the name of Kaldi, who observed his goats acting unusually frisky after eating berries from a bush. Curious about this phenomena, Kaldi tried eating the berries himself. He found that these berries gave him a renewed energy. The news of this energy laden fruit quickly spread throughout the region.

Monks hearing about this amazing fruit, dried the berries so that they could be transported to distant monasteries.They reconstituted these berries in water, ate the fruit, and drank the liquid to provide stimulation for a more awakened time for prayer.

Coffee berries were transported from Ethiopia to the Arabian peninsula, and were first cultivated in what today is the country of Yemen.

From there, coffee traveled to Turkey where coffee beans were roasted for the first time over open fires. The roasted beans were crushed, and then boiled in water, creating a crude version of the beverage we enjoy today.

Coffee first arrived on the European continent by means of Venetian trade merchants. Once in Europe this new beverage fell under harsh criticism from the Catholic church. Many felt the pope should ban coffee, calling it the drink of the devil. To their surprise, the pope, already a coffee drinker, blessed coffee declaring it a truly Christian beverage.

Coffee houses spread quickly across Europe becoming centers for intellectual exchange. Many great minds of Europe used this beverage, and forum, as a springboard to heightened thought and creativity.

In the 1700's, coffee found its way to the Americas by means of a French infantry captain who nurtured one small plant on its long journey across the Atlantic. This one plant, transplanted to the Caribbean Island of Martinique, became the predecessor of over 19 million trees on the island within 50 years. It was from this humble beginning that the coffee plant found its way to the rest of the tropical regions of South and Central America.

Coffee was declared the national drink of the then colonized United States by the Continental Congress, in protest of the excessive tax on tea levied by the British crown.

Espresso, a recent innovation in the way to prepare coffee, obtained its origin in 1822, with the innovation of the first crude espresso machine in France. The Italians perfected this wonderful machine and were the first to manufacture it. Espresso has become such an integral part of Italian life and culture, that there are presently over 200,000 espresso bars in Italy.

Today, coffee is a giant global industry employing more than 20 million people. This commodity ranks second only to petroleum in terms of dollars traded worldwide. With over 400 billion cups consumed every year, coffee is the world's most popular beverage. If you can imagine, in Brazil alone, over 5 million people are employed in the cultivation and harvesting of over 3 billion coffee plants.

Sales of premium specialty coffees in the United States have reached the multi billion dollar level, and are increasing significantly on an annual basis.

------23922610590232608---

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Jokes2Go daily best Humor for 11/12/2005

Dear humor lover, welcome to today's edition of JOKES2GO.COM's daily humor email!

Your dose of humor for today appears below, fresh-picked from today's daily humor issues:

YOUR JoKe:
----------

How do you clean a condom?

Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it!

YOUR StOrY:
-----------

MOST HORRIBLE DRINK

The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is
Khoona. It is drunk by Afghan tribesmen on their wedding night and
consists of a small amount of still-warm 'very recently attained' bull
semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.

YOUR PoEm:
----------

Van Gogh found a whore who would lay,
And accept a small painting as pay.
"Vive l' Art!" cried Van Gogh,
"But it's too fucking slow---
I wish I could paint ten a day!"

YOUR QuOtE:
-----------

"How to Overthrow the System: brew your own beer; kick in your Tee Vee; kill
your own beef; build your own cabin and piss off the front porch whenever you
bloody well feel like it."

--Edward Abbey

Visit http://www.jokes2go.com for today's humor issues, thousands of jokes in our archives, more than 200 humor lists, random jokes and much more!

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